I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
