my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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