tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
