Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
