mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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