i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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