so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
