He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
