You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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