One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
