tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
