so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
