I haven't been this sober since birth.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
