I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
