i don't like sucking hair
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
