my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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