yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found your dick twin last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
