I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
