I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
