Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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