why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
