for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
