We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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