Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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