What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
