I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
