my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
