Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
