i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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