Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
