you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
