there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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