you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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