anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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