It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone came in the potted fern
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
