ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
