i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
