So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
