dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
