shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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