lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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