If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
