OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
