I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
