oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
