I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
