problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
