my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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