I smell stomach acid.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
