And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
