she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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