Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
