Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
