Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
